This conversation is stuck in the snow

Go forward, but turn your wheels a bit. ... The other way.

- How far?

- Right there. If you get any traction, hit the brake.

- Nothing.

- Yeah. I smell rubber. Try going back, but not too far, the pole.

- Just spinning.

- Yeah. Let me dig a bit.

- Which way now?

- Forward, but try rocking back and forth. Don't just gun it.

- Which way are my tires?

- Turn 'em. No, the other way.

- Maybe you should get in.

- You're doing fine. It's just this snow, and the slush underneath. And I'm thinking you're hung up on an ice chunk. And it ain't going anywhere.

- Got a chisel?

- Nope.

- Hot water? It worked last time.

- Maybe. It's warm enough. ...

• • •

- There. That'll soften it up. Found some wood shavings too.

- Gotta work this time. Or the kitty litter is next.

- Which way?

- Forward, and turn the wheels back. No, the other way.

- I can't tell, my steering wheel is all out of whack.

- There. Now rock it.

- Progress?

- Well, you're into the snowbank in back, but it's soft enough. Problem is your tires. I can see threads. And they're not all going at the same time. How long you been out here spinning?

- A while.

- Turn it off. Maybe your wheels will re-engage. Four-wheel, right?

- Been having some problems with that.

• • •

- OK. I'm going to push a bit on the front. You're sliding over enough to avoid that pole. ...

- Felt something there.

- I think you're off the hump. Now you're in a pothole of slush.

- Damn it.

- Yes.

- Thanks for helping out. The shovel. You've been here a while. Sorry this is such a mess.

- If you don't get out of this alley, I don't. I've got nowhere to go with you in the way. Neither do any of the neighbors. Try rocking again. I think the push helped.

• • •

Turn the wheels the other way. Nope, toward me. There go go.

- All right. Out of that mess. Crap, I can't even get traction in the straight ruts.

- Let me get some of the snow out. And I'll push from the back. Stop up there on the hardpack. There's a car stuck at the end of the alley.

- Well, great. Out, but nowhere to go.

- You can probably nudge them out into the street. Half of their bumper is gone, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. I have some more shoveling to do. Good luck.

- Thanks. I owe you dinner or something.

- Nope. Neighbor stuff. It's what we do. ...

- This alley sucks.

- Just wait until the plow comes through. We'll all be at this again.

• • •

- So, what brings you in to see the chiropractor today? ...

- Turn your shoulders. ... No, the other way.

Mike is a writer and page designer for the Pine Knot News. He can be reached at [email protected]